1. "Alternate Quatrains"
Posted by Bob Gutowski on Sep-14th-03 at 7:25 PM

I was noodling around Saturday morning, and I came up with:

Our Miss Borden, feeling crabby
Killed her pa and step-mom, Abby.
Was she cute, this Lizzie Andrew?
Check a court sketch that some man drew.

Your turn...

There once was a girl from Fall River,
whose fame grew bigger & bigger, her daddy
was dead, she'd crushed in his head & never
saw another trick-or-treater in her life.


Ok, that one was pretty lame!!!!!!!!!!!

How about

Early one morning (it was August fourth)
The Bordens breakfasted on mutton broth;
Some have written that this dreadful order
Set the stage for bloody murder!

Here's another

Emma, Lizzie, John Morse, or Bridget,
There's a very good chance that one of them did it.
Which of the four we shall never know
'Cause all of them are lying where the green grass grows!

Yet another

Did Lizzie Borden swing that axe?
It doesn't square with all of the facts.
Her dress was spotless and her hands were clean,
Though some people whispered that she could be mean.

Finally

Abby lying upstairs and Andrew down,
He had just returned from town;
Maggie in the attic, Lizzie in the barn
One of those girls spun a pretty good yarn!

One more (I couldn't help it)

Lizzie B. at the center of strife,
Then she went on trial for her life.
The jury said "not guilty" so Lizzie went home,
And this is the end of one short poem!

Good job you guys!

Wow!  Good stuff gang!  I'll have to try my hand at one when I get a chance. 

What fun!  It's nice to take a break in our frequently grisly explorations, isn't it? 

LET'EM ROLL!

Even though it's large and loud,
Uncle John ignores the crowd
When he gets back from his visit;
But that's not suspicious, is it?

Where was Lizzie at the time
Someone committed that awful crime?
Was she in the kitchen?
Was she upstairs?
Those must have been some yummy pears!

As a crime it would be hard to match it
Lizzie did it with a hatchet
Then on Sunday she burned a dress
Which one? You'll have to guess.

Lizzie Borden took an axe
& no one ever found the facts
Now we seem to search in vain
was she cunning or quite insane?

Knowlton and Moody thought she did it,
Couldn't find the hatchet where she hid it.
The rest of the evidence was very soft,
So Lizzie went free and bought Maplecroft.

(Message last edited Sep-15th-03  2:22 PM.)

In the courthouse Lizzie swooned
When they fitted the blade in her father's wound
Was it staged or was it real?
Is prussic acid good for seal?

"...good for seal?"

I laughed out loud!  That was delicious!

Here's one:

Abby went to make the bed,
Abby wound up good and dead!
Lesson learned, in spite of sorrow?
"Put off housework 'til tomorrow."

(Message last edited Sep-15th-03  3:11 PM.)

Lizzie, Lizzie quite contrary, how your daddy hoped
you'd marry, um, something something something.........

Lizzie Borden, shame on you!
Chopped your parent's heads in two
You can't patch that up with glue!
Lizzie Borden, shame on you

. . . and then I wrote --

I crept up the stair, Fat Abby was there
I lifted my hatchet, and parted her hair
The gore on the floor was a crimson sea
And nobody, nobody, knew it was ME!

. . . don't stop me now!

Lizzie Borden, so they say
Ate four large pears, that fateful day
How that must have hurt her tummy!
(Just desserts for killing Mummy?)

. . . and finally

I have only one wish
I wish it quite often
To be somewhere else
When they bury my coffin

If I may...

"Lizzie, Lizzie, quite contrary
How your father hoped you'd marry..."
Someone who'd not want a dowry
Like that rich old Mister Lowery!

Oooh! That was good!

I keep thinking "Abby lost her wiglet, thru the
air it flew" but I can't think of the ending.

It landed on the bed, while Abby landed dead




Abby lost her wiglet,
thru the air it flew,
It landed on the bed,
while Abby landed dead



I'm just glad that lady who used to jump on
us for all this is gone.

Oooh, ooh!  How about:

Mrs. Borden, on her knees*
Suddenly she felt a breeze
Through the air her wiglet flew
Right before whack number two!

*I really think she was standing, so, here are alternate lines one & two:

In the guest room, Abby B.
Turned in time a blade to see...


(Message last edited Sep-15th-03  5:36 PM.)

Lizzie wanted money,
but she didn't have a honey,
What's the girl to do,
It's the axe for you



Whaddaya know, I'm damn near a poet.



Goodbye, Andrew Borden
We'll see you post-mortem
You'll spin in your grave
for the parties she gave

Abby was cornered,
between the bed & the wall
at 275
you think you'd hear her fall



Lazy Lizzie never lifted a finger
until she gave Dear Andrew a zinger,
She chopped & popped out his eye
And then she left that man to die



Lizbeth of Maplecroft
whatcha doin' in the loft
you should be in the house
???????????????????????????





(Message last edited Sep-16th-03  4:59 PM.)

re: "...good for seal" When you get stuck for rhymes the strangest things pop into your head. 
  Here's one for the alternative theory people:

Whacking the parents
Was Emma's suggestion
But which sister said,
"May I axe you a question?"

(okay even I groaned at that one.)

How about:
Bridget was washing
the windows that day.
What handy equipment
to clean blood away!

I have to get ready for class. How do you say "murderess" in French?

I just did the translation -- it is still murderess.
http://www.systranbox.com/systran/box


Murder is meurtre.

Murderer is meurtrier.

(Message last edited Sep-15th-03  6:11 PM.)

E Radin's book says there were about a dozen more stanzas to that poem "Lizzie Borden took an axe", but were long forgotten. Because they were probably even more libelous about the others in this case.
Has anyone ever recovered them?

Lizzie, Lizzie, eyes of blue
How I'd like to talk to you
Though I hear you should be feared
I just think you're kinda weird


Lizzie Borden, where are you now
You bought the farm and the cow
Are you above with all your loot
Or did you take the other route


Mutton, mutton, boil and bubble
Send for the doctor on the double
Father's head is split in two
Don't you think thats best to do


Lizzie, do you lay peaceful in the bed that you made
Without the mournful sounds of loved ones crying
Or do you shudder to think of the people you slayed
Whose bodies are in the dining room lying

Someone put the poison away
It hadn't worked by Thursday
So they picked up a blade
Was it Lizzie or the maid?

My first effort was not a quatrain, but a "Fourteen-Train".

But, you came up with something really good!  I love all this outpouring of creativity, everybodys come up with some really fun quatrains! 

Oh, Susan, your last piece, concerning Lizzie in her bed, was so haunting - and Benjamin, you're a caution, as the old folks used to say.  Everybody's added and discovered little twists, and even ray showed up - what will today bring?

Here's another theory:

Limping, limping, 'cross the street
Maggie, try to be discreet!
Hurry, hurry!  Get indoors
Ere that axe slips from your drawers!

(Message last edited Sep-16th-03  10:57 AM.)

  Bob!!!  That made me spray coffee on my computer screen!  When will I learn not to eat and drink while I'm on the computer? 

Kimberly, I went back to the beginning of the thread to enjoy all the verses, and I wanted to reply to your "trick or treater" entry:

YADDA-DADDA-DADDA,
YADDA-DADDA-DADDA,
HOPE THAT YOU LIKED OUR SHO-O-OW!!!

(I hope you know the music that goes with it - anyway, very funny!)


For Ray:

Thanks to Bill, there's no more Abby
Now she's ready for the slab, he
Didn't mean to go that far,
"But I got bored while waitin', Pa!"

(Message last edited Sep-16th-03  2:39 PM.)

I don't know that one......

It's like a vaudeville fanfare - in any case, I meant that it occurred to me when I read your very funny second post of the thread!

It is amazing that no one ever came up with any other Lizzie
dittys. Maybe one of us will come up with something that will
rival Took An Axe, that really wasn't all that creative if
you stop and think about it.

Lizzie B you mean ol thing
chopped your Daddy bad
Then you went upstairs
  to take what Mama had

Rich girl now you got the bucks
whatcha gonna do
Live the good life, party hard
  then screw Emma too

Old age not so great
all alone and blue
no family no friends
but I still won't leave a clue

lizzie borden got the facts.
her answer was the axe.
that fat bitch would benefit no more.
and poor old papa would sleep in gore.

________________

i'm not good at this.  it's not funny.  too mean and "literally" close to the truth.

kimberly and bob seem to have a real knack (as in whack) at it.  i've been very very entertained.  i've laughed out loud.



 

Did you just call Lizzie a "fat bitch"?????

Oh! You meant Abby!

(Message last edited Sep-16th-03  10:48 PM.)

I'm a little slow on the draw tonight -- it was Lizzie
not "you" that was calling Abby the fat bitch. Ah ha!

i didn't think it was necessary to name the "fat bitch."  but i apologize for any confusion.

Sweet Abby Borden
Whadda ya do
To get your poor
head split in two?

Married Andrew
Is that all?
Those spinster girls
Sure had some gall !

Good one, Kat.  I like it. 

If quatrains have temporarily fizzled, here is my *fourteen-train":

When you want someone to die
Don't just sit around and cry
Put some poison in their food
Be prepared for their bad mood.
Get some advice from Uncle Morse
He's in the biz, he'll know, of course.
He suggests you get a hatchet
"There's nothing else that can match it!
But wait until I go away
Don't worry, I'll be back that day."
The marks that the hatchet made
Are a sight that will never fade.
So who did it?  They still ask-
I don't know, they wore a mask.

2003-KK

I like your "train" of thought!  Great poem, Kat. 

You're such a positive cheerleader, Susan.  Thanks for that!

I love it when you bring out the shades.

Every night while I'm in bed
Thoughts of Bordens fill my head!
Andrew dozing, Abby lumbering
Haunt me while I should be slumbering.
Why is it this long-off crime
Takes up so much of my time?
Still, I may as well admit it,
Wondering who did commit it
Keeps my mind alert and busy!
Is it wrong to say "Thanks, Lizzie?"




(Message last edited Sep-18th-03  11:51 AM.)

Ooo, another train!  Thats really good, my sentiments exactly!  Boy, it looks like we have almost enough stuff to start a Borden poetry book of our own! 

Amen!  I like that one!

Morse had such a tight alibi
It made some people wonder why
He could state every movement on his course.
The name of every person, the name of every horse.

you're not kidding.  we've already got what's in the "writers corner."  when this thread dies down, maybe one of us should assemble the best of it and make a single section out of it for the site and for a would-be book (the author?  the lizzie borden society.  as in "the doors" or "the beatles.")

That would be fun!  Could you imagine if we could get it off the ground and have it for sale at the FRHS? 

I think it might be more The House's kind of gift item, actually!

That would be equally cool!  A copy in the sitting room for guests to peruse whilst there. 

With proceeds going to the Fall River Animal Rescue League?

Ha!

Lizzie Borden's little house
Often caused the lass to grouse.
"Sure, I know I've got the best room,
Got some plans, though, for the guest room..."

(Message last edited Sep-19th-03  5:38 PM.)

That's better Bob, more flowing at the end.

Lizzie Borden with axe in hand
On the verge of parting Abby's wig
Dreams of future houses grand
And stocks and shares with dividends big


Emma Borden was away
When her folks were killed
What was her mood when home that day
was she sad or secretly thrilled?


In shallow pools of blood you lay
Hatchet still warm as you grow cold
What secrets could you tell or say
About your killer oh so bold

This is musical, like a song.
  Thanks.

Oh, you're welcome, they seem to keep coming now. 

Flesh and bone part with ease
When your axe is sharp
It quickly brings them to their knees
And then to play a harp

While I'm pretty sure that innocent Abby went to Heaven, I strongly doubt that Andy would be so blessed. Anyone say different?
Comment on the reasons why.

I think everyone goes to *heaven* eventually.
If everyone has a little piece of God/dess in them, that ultimately will be honored.
The journey may take a while.

--I wish I could write this in rhyme...

Everyone ends up in Heaven
In the sweet by and by
Its the divine right of your creation
So don't be afraid to die

Something like that? 

She wanted her place up on the Hill,
She'd reach it even if she had to kill,
So Andrew and Abby had to fall,
Now Oak Grove Cemetery is home to all.

--------------

I had much trouble with the door,
It made me mad, I said "Pshaw,
I heard a laugh from up the stair,
I thought it was Lizzie but I wouldn't swear.

--------------

"I swear it was Lizzie with ten cents,
Who tried to buy poison," said Eli Bence.
"I told her no, her attempt would fail,
I needed a prescription to make the sale."

--------------

Lizzie went shopping in New Bedford
Bought a hatchet to behead with
Took it home to Fall River
What happened next makes me shiver.

(Message last edited Sep-22nd-03  5:12 PM.)

Those are great, Harry!  I love the Eli Bence one, too funny! 

Thanks Susan.  Just having a little fun with Lizzie.

BTW, are you going to rescue Lizzie from her Lizzie in Wonderland predicament?  That was a fun story.

I was thinking the sam ting yesterday!
I was missing the next installment of Lizzie.

And yes, Har!  You came through with flying colors!  I was hoping to hear some 'trains from you! 

Thanks for the poem Susan.  Sounds good to me.

Yes, I will be rescuing Lizzie in her Wonderland, thanks for asking, Harry and Kat.  Its just been too dang hot here to sit at the computer for long periods of time, even with the ceiling fan going full speed!  It should start cooling down some soon and I can get my writing groove back on.

Glad you liked the poem, just popped out this morning. 

One last one. Someone stop me!

Oh, Alice my friend, I'm so agitated,
The milk's been poisoned, the barn invaded,
Shadowy figures have run around the back,
Should I go Marion and go home and pack?

See what you've started Bob G?

And how happy am I?  Very!

Incidentally, Harry, now YOUR last line needs a slight revision (!)

Lizzie came out of her very blue bedroom
Next to the "where they would find Abby dead" room.
"Now there's just Pa," she thought, biting a knuckle.
And WHO should be knocking?  She just HAD to chuckle! 

Yes, Bob I struggled with the last line.  How about:

"I fear the house will burn if they do attack."

It was fun trying to put this case in some sort of rhyme.

I like that new last line you came up with, good stuff!  Who knew we had so many poets tucked away here?