1. "The Lizzie Mash"
Posted by audrey on Feb-21st-04 at 2:33 AM

I came in from the barn one hot morn
In the 32nd year after I was born
When my father from the divan failed to arise
And I noticed to my surprise

His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was a quite a gash
His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was quite a gash

From the doorway in the back of the house
Maggie went for Doctor Bowen once she was roused.
Mrs Churchill  came from her humble abode 
By way of the front road

His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was a quite a gash
His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was quite a gash

The police were having fun
The clam bake had just begun
The guests did not include George Allen
Marshall Hilliard or deputy Fleet

The scene was horrible the were looking high and low
for Mrs Borden who I thought had a note and did go
Someone said there might be more
Then they found Mrs Borden dead in her own gore

Her head was mashed
It was totally smashed
Her head was mashed
It was a quite a gash
Her head was mashed
It was totally smashed
Her head was mashed
It was quite a gash

Down in Tauton foreman Richards voice did ring
For me he said  just the right  thing
He interrupted the clerk to say his lot
And said that guilty I was not!

They were mashed
Totally smashed
They were mashed
Totally smashed
They were mashed
Totally smashed

Now everything's cool, I live on the hill
and even if I paid a heckuva legal bill
For me this money was meant to go to
When you get to my door, tell them Lizbeth sent you


Then you can mash
Then you can do the Lizzie mash
The Lizzie mash
And do my hatchet smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can Lizzie mash

Very good Audrey.  You spoof like a true Bordenite!

Given the jury verdict, who really did it?

Cute Audrey!  Had my feet dancing and I have two left ones. 

Nice job Audrey! I can remember dancing to the "monster mash" at
school dances!

Ah, a gal after my own heart!    Nice song parody, Audrey, that was fun!

Hey, Auds, I can just hear old Boris and Crypt Kickers belting it out.
Girl, you're b-b-b-b-bad to the bone!

--Lyddie

That was great, Audrey!  Boris Karloff meets Lizbeth!
I could hear the music!

We have this silly site for translations
http://www.systranbox.com/systran/box

It's a real site, but real bad.

Here is your first section translated to French and then back into English thru this site:
__________
I came in from the barn one hot morn
In the 32nd year after I was born
When my father from the divan failed to arise
And I noticed to my surprise

His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was a quite a gash
His face was mashed
It was totally smashed
His face was mashed
It was quite a gash
____________________
(Please forgive me...)

Je suis entré du matin chaud de la grange une par la trente-deuxième
année après que je sois né quand mon père du divan défaillant
pour surgir et de moi a noté à ma surprise

Son visage lui a été écrasé a été totalement écrasé son
visage lui a été écrasé était tout à fait une entaille que son
visage lui a été écrasé a été totalement écrasé son visage lui
a été écrasé était tout à fait une entaille
_________________

??±Dd the hot morning of the barn one by the thirty-second year
after I would have been born when my father of the failing couch to
emerge and me noted with my surprise

Its face was crushed to him was completely crushed its face was
crushed to him was completely a notch that its face was crushed to him
was completely crushed its face was crushed to him was completely a
notch

WHOO-HOO! I love it!

one bit of advice:  if you can dash one off like that -- be a little more considerate/protective of your work for the purpose of submission/publication.

That translation is sooooo funny!  At least it didn't put the notch in his crotch.

--Lyddie

That surprises me Lyddie....

We French tend to think "below the belt" as much as we can...

O LA LA!

You mean so it doesn't end up on a certain lurkers eBay auctions?

But below the belt in a friendlier way, don't you think, Audrey?

--Lyddie