1. "Psychological Help For Emma & Lizzie?"
Posted by Kat on Jun-30th-02 at 2:26 AM

Finding your way through violent or unexpected death

If you suddenly lose a loved one to a violent or unexpected death, you can expect to go through what professionals call "traumatic bereavement" -- strong reactions of shock, pain, deep sadness, confusion, guilt and anger. Here's what may happen and how to deal with it:

-- Any major loss from violence will affect family and friends differently. Remember all relationships have their own distinctive features and all losses are unique. Expect that these relationships may change in unexpected ways.

-- Insist on your right to be yourself and do what you need to do to deal with what has happened. Don't let others impose their own path or timetable for bereavement; this is your loss and your grief.

-- It may be very difficult to believe that such a terrible thing could really have happened and extremely hard to fit that event and its implications within the assumptions that you might have previously held about the world, God and society.

-- When criminal or civil proceedings complicate bereavement, seek help from individuals and organizations that are skilled in victim advocacy. They can help you find ways to be informed and involved, while also preparing you for the inevitable frustrations of dealing with the legal system.

-- Be patient with yourself and others as you mourn. Especially at first, be content with just getting through a minute, then an hour, then part of a day.

-- Try to be tolerant of others who withdraw from you, who don't know how to help you or what to say, or who are afraid of the intensity and duration of your grief. You might have behaved in similar ways before this happened to you.

-- Share your needs with others. Ask them for help and give them specific things to do for you.

-- You may discover the most comforting support and most helpful guidance will come from those who have experienced similar losses.

-- Don't neglect yourself. Eat nourishing meals, drink plenty of fluids -- but not much alcohol -- and get the rest and exercise you need.

-- Traumatic bereavement leads some people to think they are "losing their minds" or "going crazy"; remember that it may take time and effort to develop "new normals."

-- You can move from being a victim to being a survivor. You will never be the same and you are likely to experience strong surges of grief from time to time, but you will be better than you are now.


....If Lizzie was not guilty, then she went through a hellova bad time DURING a massively stressful period of losing her parents to murder, and it's aftermath.
....And not forgetting Emma, we assume she is going through something similar?
....Would these psychological-health tips transcend the century, and be just as valid for people suffering instant bereavement in the 1890's?
...from web-site:
http://12.14.200.4/dying/stories/Part13help.htm

I think Lizzie was shocked and experienced grief, from her father's death at least, even if she was guilty.  She did show signs of distress after the murders.  Her normally cool attitude made people wonder if she grieved at all, and I always thought that was unfair.  Like she says in the 1975 movie, "I cannot change my nature now."  I don't think her reaction afterwards should be used for or against her. 

I think the same advice would be good for the Borden victims' survivors.  But, as we talked about earlier, people back then were more used to death than us today. 

The other day I saw something on tv that dealt with the mortality of children (I hate those shows).  But they pointed out that since so many children died in the 'olden days', parents usually had a lot of kids because of that.  (And I thought it was because birth control wasn't in vogue...)

Every child represents more help in labor on the farm. A 5 year old can chase away birds that try to eat crops. If you know of any single person who tries to run a farm you'll know this.

Remember, your Social Security in part depends on a stream of new workers replacing retired workers. Assuming the jobs weren't shipped to Asia or South America. Also new customers or consumers, and taxpayers (in case you think "privatization" is an alternate).

Is Japan's problems due in part to a shortfall in children? Like any other crop failure, it can affect the rest of society.

But we don't want to go to visit the Politico-Economic playpen?

Society then was different from today. Closer-knit, etc. Death was more common than today. Disease and infection claimed many who are saved by today's medicines.

Can we really look backwards to the time when telephones were just local access?