1. "Rules for cats to live by"
Posted by harry on Jan-24th-03 at 3:14 AM

A friend sent me the following. Like all cats, my Blackie, does all of these, especially the one on Doors.

BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to
do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is
opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an
"outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about
several things. This is particularly important during very cold
weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot
manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental
rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you
back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other
is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping,"
otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for
"hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of
being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes
and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner
so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or pretend to
doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or
Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on
the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the
side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on
the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After
being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and
erasers off the table, one at a time.

5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be
sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk
across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in
human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have
something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up
in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of
the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter
between their toes.

HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find
you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any
circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they
love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do
come out, the humans will over you with love and kisses and you
will probably get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face,
turn around and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so
do it often. And don't forget guests.

Thats too perfect Harry! Very true!

  That just about covers every cat I've ever owned, or was it the other way around?  Anyway, thanks for starting my day with a laugh!

That is just adorable and my 86 year old neighbor will love it!

Its minus ten degrees here with the wind chill-has been for about two weeks-and I keep coming across this poor little stray cat on my walk to and from the train. I cannot get him to come over to me, though I have left food at his haunts. This is distressing to me; I want to do something-get him off the street, even to the Animal Rescue League. I am going to try again tonight. Wish me luck. (Mabe Lizzie would have had a better touch at such things)

Good luck, Kashesan.  Nice to know that some people do still care. 

One of your local animal protection places might have one
of those live traps they would loan you. Put his dinner plate
in there & catch him that way.

Good idea Kimb

Animal Shelter indeed!!! Do you know what will happen to it there?
Better to let it live free rather than be exterminated after a few days. Or do they sell them to laboratories for experiments?

A lot of shelters are run by animal protection groups &
don't do those sorts of things --- I think the city run
"animal control" are the ones who do that. I don't think
stray animals are happy little things --- they are afraid
and under-fed & can become the victims of cruel people &
bigger animals, in addition to being hit by cars. Our
animal shelter here wouldn't take the kittens a stray had
and all but one ended up killed because the mother
cat trained them to hide-out in my truck. Not a pretty sight.
A lethal injection would have been a less traumatic death
than getting overheated in a running engine or having your
neck broken in a fan belt.

Ever spent an entire night outside in -10 degrees F with no food, and just a thin jacket on? How about day after day after day? (the cold spell here has lasted over two weeks) Whats worse, a slow death of starvation, freezing, and disease (and spreading things like rabies or feline leukemia to other strays) or perhaps the chance of finding a home, and at least some weeks of warmth and comfort> Its not an easy decision, but the freedom of freezing, starving, spreading disease and creating countless litters of homeless sick animals to live on the city streets is a poor consolation. (Besides, I am seriously thinking of adopting this cat myself...)  .

Bravo for you Kash!  Go for it. My own Blackie is an adoptee. Just showed up on my patio 6 years ago and decided to stay.

I have two regular strays that live in the woods behind the house. They get what ever I can give them in the way of food. Luckily we don't have those extended periods of arctic weather. Still, it's sad to see them without a home.

I'm gonna try Harry, don't know what my other two will think tho (Baby Jane Hudson and her sister Blanche) Should be interesting. Mabe I'll name the newcomer Edwin (if it is a boy)

Ah, Harry, you're a man after my own heart.  I often tell people that I can't understand why anyone goes to a pet shop or a breeder to get a cat.  I just stand in my yard, and they come to me.  My last two, both excellent pets, arrived in that fashion.

Kash, if you are successful, depending on the age and how long the animal has been wild, it may take a very long time to domesticate and introduce your new kitty into your household.

First, tho, you will want to sequester it, because of the same reasons you gave.
A bathroom?
You would have to teach it to use a litterbox...and a good way is to, after feeding, pick him up and put him in the box and take his paw and scratch at the sand.
He will begin to get the relationship between eating and eliminating.
Of course after the check-up at the vets & shots (make sure there is no ringworm or ear mites or fleas that might infiltrate to your cats),ask how soon you can begin to introduce the kitty's to each other.  (innoculation's take time to develope immunities)
A documented way is to open the bathroom door and SIT on the threshold.  You are the human barrier to the two factions.
They can see each other and smell each other and then do this a little bit at a time, say several x a day--As soon as there is acrimony shut the door and walk away.
Then Later love up your girls and give them extra attention.  (I say "Later" because if they want to fight and you close the door and then love them up, they will think they did the right thing.)
You probably know a lot of this, but maybe someone else doesn't, so it is an opportunity to get free advise from an expert.
Also please ask anything here & at your vets in future..or write me privately.

Thank you Kat (like the mugs?)I have  found the cats 'home' In back of a church is a secluded well-kept area and someone has taken a clean Rubbermaid trash can, covered, and cut a hole into the side for the cat. There are two dishes nearby-empty when I went by yesterday. Kitty came out of the container warily when I approached, and when I shook the bag of dry cat food, he did not bolt. But he went back into the container. When I'd put out the food and walked away, he came out and ate it. I have more for tonight, and I will place a warm blanket inside his 'home'
I don't know if it will be possible for me to actually adopt this guy, as much as I'd like to, but I do want to get him off the street and out of the cold. The woman across from me does foster care for animals in need of placement, so mabe we can work something out together. Ideally, I would like to get him checked out and cleaned up and offer him a loving home.