The art of being a man, simplified.

[Harry]

A friend sent me this:

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire hanger long after hypothermia or heat stroke has set in. AAA is
not an option. I will win.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer
and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And
never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire
show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother too. _____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... And if you
are feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to others.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine. Can we just go now?
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
_____________________________________________________

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male.

[Allen]

That was funny Harry.Thanks for posting it. I got a real kick out of it

[Audrey]

Addendum...

Because I am a man I will forget the lyrics and more than likely the title, tune, etc of the first song I ever slow danced with my wife to, but be able to belt out "Squeeze Box" in it's entirety given enough to drink...

[Susan]

Funny! Don't forget the old stand-by,

Because I am a man, when I am driving and lost, I will not stop and ask for directions.


And some of my personal favorites that I have dealt with in reality,

Because I am a man, I will ask you where my keys or wallet or other lost item is 5 minutes before I have to leave for work and expect you to know exactly where the missing item is located.

Because I am a man, boxer shorts and a tee shirt are casual wear and are perfect for answering the front door or walking around the back yard.

Because I am a man, I will ask you "whats for dinner" 10 minutes after you have just returned home from work while I was home all day and didn't think to defrost anything.

Because I am a man, when I decide to help do the laundry I will be sure to throw in all your delicates that are labeled HAND WASH ONLY.

[FairhavenGuy]

Gosh.

I guess I'm not half the man I thought I was. . .