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The Lizzie Andrew Borden Virtual Museum and Library is proud to present the original works by these humorists. Those interested in submitting their work for inclusion on this page are invited to send it via e-mail.

Essay	Excerpt
I Love Lizzie by Kathleen Carbone	Episode 2 --- "Acid Trip" The morning before the murders. A small pharmacy downstreet. Several customers are milling about, the bell above the door jangles and Lizzie enters the shop. Despite the heat, her face is obscured by a black veil. Young female customer: Why Miss Lizzie Borden! What brings you here today, got fleas again? Lizzie: Shut up.
You Know You're a Bordenite When . . . by Sherry Chapman	You do not eat mutton in any shape, form or manner. You sing You Can't Chop Your Poppa up in Massachusetts as you go about your daily chores. You like to have your picture taken, but can't seem to find many of yourself.
Lizzie Jokes by Sherry and Marla Chapman	If Lizzie did admit to guilt, what would her excuse be? It was an axeident. What was Lizzie's winning poker hand? Three pears. Describe that last haircut Lizzie gave to Andrew. It was a real hack job.
Fall River Weather Report by Sherry Chapman and Kat Koorey	June 30, 2002 Tonight's weather report comes from Dr. Seabury Bowen. Dr. Bowen? "Thank you, Mrs. Chapman. Today in Fall River I was busy having my boy drive me around making house calls. I cannot recall if the sky was blue. A sort of a drab color, I should say. When I reached home, I saw Mrs. Churchill outside and said, 'Addie, come see,' so she could help describe its color. But she turned pale and would not look. Summer complaint, perhaps.
Dear Abby by Sherry Chapman	Dear Abby - Are you the same Abby Borden who is on the board of the YMCA? - Just Curious Dear Curious - I do not know. I think that is a question best directed to the Fall River Historical Society. But be patient. Currently there is a waiting period of about 30 years for letters to be answered.