The Hatchet: A Journal of Lizzie Borden & Victorian America

Borden Valentines

These humorous Valentines could have been sent to these folks, couldn’t they?

by Sherry Chapman

First published in February/March, 2004, Volume 1, Issue 1, The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies


To Abby
From Emma:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m writing this card
Cuz I don’t speak to you.

 

To Abby
From John V. Morse:

Pansies are purple,
And white and maroon.
Put those pillow shams on
I’m coming there soon.

 

To Abby
From Andrew:

Coins are gold,
Dollar bills are green,
My love is my wallet
Uh, HERE’S a wallet, I mean.

 

To Abby
From Bridget:

I won’t leave thee
You gentle, sweet dove
I hope your husband don’t know
That we are in love.

 

To Mrs. Borden
From Lizzie:

You have cared for and raised me
Like no other
I think you are
The bestest mother.
(I would like this back, please, to show people in August.)

 

To Lizzie
From Eli Bence:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Next time you want acid
Slip me a buck or two.

 

To John Morse
From the FR Post Office:

You’re welcome to come in
If you’re doing no crime
Just don’t bring so many
People next time.

 

To Andrew Borden
From Dr. Bowen:

I am glad you’re all healthy
And no one is ill.
Will you answer this invoice
And pay your damned bill??

 

To the pastor at 1st Congregational Church
From Lizzie A. Borden:

I may be an angel
I’ve been given some hints.
I can walk in the barn loft
And leave no footprints.

 

To Father
From Lizzie:

You’ve killed all my pigeons
They’re in the barn on their backs.
So I can, um, clean it
Tell me, where is the axe?

 

Sherry Chapman

Author Info

Sherry Chapman

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