“Lisbethan” Mutterings

by Doug Walters

First published in October/November, 2005, Volume 2, Issue 5, The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies.

O, I am Lizzie Borden,
(All Fall River knows my name) 
‘Tho to me it is a mystery that
I should have gained such fame. 

That I, a simple spinster girl
(Just more than thirty-two)
Should be so despised and so reviled
Is simply beyond comprehension
And drives my poor mind wild! 

Some would deem me “murd’rous fiend,”
Others “Lamb sent to her slaughter” –
But one thing’s uncontested:
I was Andrew Borden’s daughter! 

What bothers me most is these children
And their drotted infernal rhyme. 
It seems to me (and some might agree)
There’re better ways to pass the time!
But it’s lived on it seems –
None other I fear will match it.
I do wish they’d got the weapon right, tho –
We all know it was a Hatchet! 

But they cannot outdo my neighbors:
To them the jury’s verdict be
Not worth the tinker’s curse.
Why, to this day
I’ll wager they’d say
I did it for Father’s purse! 

O Father, my dear father,
He’d mutter: “Bridget…the mutton – boil it!”
While ladies three (and Maggie, bless me!)
Did wish for a proper flush toilet. 

In time, oh yes I showed them –
And why apologize?
I’ve all the things good fortune brings,
And I have them before their eyes! 

I’ve shown them – shown them all you see –
And most are truly vexed; they sit around a’wondering
What Miss Borden will do next!
Change it? Oh no, I’d have it no other way.
I’ve been the center of attention
From then up to this day! 

I was Andrew Borden’s daughter,
All the world now knows my fame…
Did I? Oh, you’ll never know –
You see, that’s part of the game! 

They didn’t get me then you see,
And haven’t got me yet;
I’ve vexed them all – it’s true;
And just as I’ve vexed the neighbors,
I’ll continue to vex you too!