{"id":4252,"date":"2018-07-15T08:58:51","date_gmt":"2018-07-15T12:58:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/HatchetOnline\/?p=4252"},"modified":"2024-08-18T14:46:51","modified_gmt":"2024-08-18T18:46:51","slug":"news-and-views-that-wouldnt-fit-notes-from-the-compositors-bench-february-2008","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/news-and-views-that-wouldnt-fit-notes-from-the-compositors-bench-february-2008\/","title":{"rendered":"News and Views that Wouldn’t Fit: Notes from the Compositor’s Bench, February, 2008"},"content":{"rendered":"

First published in January\/February, 2008, Volume 5, Issue 1, The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n


\nA Miscreant Abroad:<\/i><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Edwin H. Porter, Lecturer
\n<\/i><\/strong>Or
\n<\/i><\/strong>God Bless Thee, Ink-Stained Pygmy!<\/i><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The snowfall has bound me indoors today, Reader. The entire city seems similarly afflicted. The Borden sisters, at last report, were weathering the current blast safely and warmly ensconced in the French Street domicile.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The sole escapee (of any repute that is to say) would be friend Porter, who\u2019s off somewhere up the country on a lecture tour, doing his level best to promote interest in his little tome The Fall River Tragedy<\/i>, whose nature and subject I needn\u2019t go into, since, of course the whole of the known world has by now heard of the infamies perpetrated upon the elder Bordens the 4th<\/sup> day of August in the year 1892.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I had a Western Union telegraph slip from Porter just a few days back reporting that the tour was going well and his lectures were quite well-received, \u201cespecially by an audience at the Hartford Lyceum.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now Reader, I do not for the world wish to cast aspersions<\/i> upon the claims of a famous author and friend, but this here is a flat-out whopper<\/i> that simply cannot pass by unmolested. The Hartford Courant<\/i> of Wednesday last carried an account of friend Porter\u2019s Lyceum appearance that at the very least suggests that the author of said telegraph message was nowhere near the Hartford Lyceum on the night in question\u2014or has a questionable perception of reality at best.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The Courant <\/i>scribbler is the best teller of the truth it seems:\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLast night at the Hartford Lyceum saw newspaper reporter and author Edwin H. Porter come to town for a lecture. Mr. Porter, a noted scribe on the staff of Mr. George Buffinton\u2019s Daily Globe<\/i> of Fall River, Massachusetts, had come to talk about his new book The Fall River Tragedy<\/i>, which is touted as the first history of the Borden murders, that infamous affair which news readers throughout New England will undoubtedly recall. Readers might also recall that the youngest Borden daughter was subsequently arrested, tried, and acquitted on charges of lethal molestation of her father and stepmother with a humble hatchet.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Porter hadn\u2019t got very far along in his lecturing (indeed had just mentioned the name of Mr. James Walsh, a local photographic practitioner responsible for pictures of the crime scene, the house and so forth) when a small ruckus started in the back of the room. A gentleman\u2019s voice suddenly cried out: \u2018Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother forty whacks.\u2019 We all know the blessed story. Take yourself and<\/i> ye blasted history book and go<\/i> back to Massachusetts<\/i>, ye d\u2014carpet-bagging weasel! We\u2019ve got troubles enough of our own right here.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe speaker, subsequently identified as Mr. Burt (\u201cBulldog\u201d) Wesson, then fired a volley of assorted missiles toward the offender. The barrage consisted largely of fruits and vegetables, some of which were a bit overly ripe to say the least.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLocal readers will know Mr. Wesson as an importer of off-season fruits and vegetables. Not usually a foul-tempered feller, Wesson does a rather brisk business from his headquarters in nearby Horton\u2019s Purchase.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSeveral of the Wesson-fired projectiles struck their mark squarely, it\u2019s sad to say. The most notable injuries were done \u2018by a beefsteak tomato about two months gone, judging by the stench and the mess on that poor man\u2019s face after the splot<\/i>,\u2019 said one witness who was apparently a bit too close for nasal comfort, and \u2018one of the most godawful-looking bananas I ever did see\u2014partly hard it was, like a rock nearly on the one end, while the other was\u2026oh, just a foul, stinking mess.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Burt (\u201cBulldog\u201d) Wesson\u2019s target, the noted author and lecturer Porter, was hustled away, cleaned up, and given a shot of whiskey for his nerves along with a ticket on the next train out of Hartford\u2014which in itself was possibly a greater curative for his nervous sufferings than the shot of whiskey.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The Courant<\/i> dispatch concluded by noting that Mr. Burt (\u201cBulldog\u201d) Wesson of nearby Horton\u2019s Purchase was duly restrained, detained and booked on a charge of \u2018general miscreantical behavior,\u2019 for which he was fined $3.75 before being released and permitted to return to Horton\u2019s Purchase on his own recognizance.<\/span><\/p>\n

I must remember to see that there\u2019s no fruit in plain sight during our next game of whist. Whoppers he may tell, but he is a good feller, or tries to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

Little good it does, but here amongst the banked-up snow today I find myself considering the plight of the wandering Porter. I have never heard him speak on the topic officially although he certainly has yammered on and on about one or another aspect of the case or the family itself privately over games of whist now for several months. Of course it\u2019s impossible to tell, but the thought comes to mind that perhaps all the feller needs is a decent introduction\u2014nothing approaching Barnumesque nonsense you understand, but something a bit different than the method he seems to be using presently.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a pity that the old Bard of Concord no longer breathes among us\u2014that one who set a humble water-crossing, a horse-riding patriot silversmith and a simple village businessman into the pages of immortality with but a few strokes of the pen. Why, with those accomplishments as proof, just imagine what that Longfellow feller could do for friend Porter in the way of public introductions!<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps he might work in something like\u2026?<\/span><\/p>\n

Up under yon nearby flowering tree<\/span>
\nThe ink-stained pygmy stands;<\/span>
\nWith beady eyes he surveys the scene,<\/span>
\nA pencil clutched in his hand.<\/span>
\nHark!
\n<\/span>The vile word \u201cMurder\u201d assaulted his ears<\/span>
\nBut a few short minutes ago.<\/span>
\nLike steel he stood, the pygmy\u2014<\/span>
\nResolved that the public must know!<\/span><\/p>\n

So by yonder tree he stood,<\/span>
\nCooly surveying the scene<\/span>
\nAs a crowd did gather\u2014<\/span>
\nSome worked up a lather<\/span>
\nWhile others stood silent,<\/span>
\nTheir faces a sickly green;<\/span><\/p>\n

All hail the ink-stained pygmy,<\/span>
\nIn his battered suit and shoes.<\/span>
\nGod bless Thee, ink-stained pygmy\u2014<\/span>
\nThou fearless bringer of news!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>With any luck at all, friend Porter will improve at his public speaking\u2014or with better luck<\/i> I suppose that should be. In the meantime, I\u2019ll keep an eye out. His tour schedule listed the Boston Athenaeum\u2026tomorrow, that is. I wish friend Porter best of luck, of course, but in the meantime will keep an eye on the Boston newspapers!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Doug Walters takes a whimsical look at modern day from the perspective of a Victorian.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":5253,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-notes-from-the-compositors-bench"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4252"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4252\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5459,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4252\/revisions\/5459"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}