{"id":4688,"date":"2018-07-17T16:52:44","date_gmt":"2018-07-17T20:52:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/HatchetOnline\/?p=4688"},"modified":"2024-08-15T16:58:57","modified_gmt":"2024-08-15T20:58:57","slug":"dear-abby-spring-2012","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/dear-abby-spring-2012\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby, Spring, 2012"},"content":{"rendered":"

First published in Spring, 2012, Volume 7, Issue 2, The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n


\nHello, friends. As mentioned in last week\u2019s paper I asked for letters from you, telling me what you want for Christmas this year. It is never<\/i><\/b> too early to think about the holidays! Maybe you will see your wife, husband, or child\u2019s letter here\u2014or that of a dear friend. You can make their dreams come true, dear readers, and make your Christmas shopping easy. And this year, perhaps there will be no guesswork as to if he or she really likes their gift.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mrs. Abby Borden\u2014<\/b>I am usually the recipient of a new pair of mens\u2019 shoes each Christmas. This year, I don\u2019t think I really need a new pair. I do need, and would so appreciate, a little red Russian purse as mine was (as my husband says) \u201cmisplaced\u201d last summer. Horsecar tickets would also make a good gift.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Andrew Jackson Borden\u2014<\/b>I can think of nothing that I need this year, and I can purchase anything I might desire, if I wanted to. In addition, if someone gets me a Christmas gift it means I need to buy one in return for them. A nod and a greeting of \u201cHappy Christmas\u201d is sufficient.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bridget Sullivan\u2014<\/b>Purrhaps one of those electric fans that I can turn on in my room upstairs when the heat becomes unbearable in the warm weather. By then we might have electricity so I can use it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lizzie Andrew Borden\u2014<\/b>Chloroform, prussic acid and a container of Rough on Rats. I am reading a science book from the library and want to do some of the experiments recommended in the book.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emma L. Borden\u2014<\/b>I don\u2019t recall. I had a small list but cannot find it. I do not remember anything about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

John V. Morse\u2014<\/b>I can think of nothing that I need this year. In addition, if someone gets me a Christmas gift it means I need to buy one in return for them. I do not even pay to get my shirts laundered. A simple nod and a \u201cHappy Christmas\u201d greeting is sufficient.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Seabury Bowen\u2014<\/b>Some smelling salts would be nice\u2014for me, not my patients. Some new nausea cloths for my office, drab in color.<\/span><\/p>\n

Miss Alice Russell\u2014T<\/b>hread. Needles.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Andrew Jennings\u2014<\/b>Having heard of Miss Russell\u2019s want of thread and needles for Christmas, my Christmas wish is that she use them to sew up her mouth. I heard someone say that she would look particularly fetching this way.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Fall River Weather Office\u2014<\/b>Permission to record humidity. We keep being told it is of no importance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mary Doolan\u2014<\/b>A string and two cans so me and Bridget Sullivan can talk without gabbin\u2019 over the fence, bein\u2019 seen by our employers and townsfolk.<\/span><\/p>\n

A.E. Pillsbury\u2014<\/b>A medical book of illnesses and their symptoms, in the event of my wish to give someone else a particularly difficult court case.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bridget Sullivan\u2014<\/b>A fan made out of paper, if I should not receive the electric fan I asked for earlier.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Postmaster, Fall River, Mass.\u2014<\/b>For someone to buy Mr. John Morse a quantity of stamps. When he comes to our fair city and enters the post office, which is often, he spends a good half hour walking inside, looking for new stamps anyone may have dropped. Should that fail, and it does, he comes to the counter and tries various ways to get free stamps.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Thomas Barlow\u2014<\/b>Uh, me and Brownie \u2013 that\u2019s my friend \u2013 would really like some fingerprint dust like the police have but don\u2019t use. We don\u2019t see any use in takin\u2019 fingerprints, but we would like to use it to take footprints in dusty barns sometimes. Just somethin\u2019 we like to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hyman Lubinsky\u2014<\/b>Zum difrint flavorz for ice cream. In Mother Russia we use to haf borscht and vodka flavorz. I zay people wood not to like borscht flavor. But zey wood like a lot da vodka. Trust in me, eet ist goot. Please to give many bottles.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mrs. Anastasia Lubinsky\u2014<\/b>A goot lawyer zat can get me cheep diforse.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mrs. Abby Borden\u2014<\/b>To find my cat, \u201cCat.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mrs. Adelaide Churchill\u2014<\/b>An instrument that would allow me to painlessly cut out my own tongue.<\/span><\/p>\n

George Dexter Robinson, Esq.\u2014<\/b>A big case that could perhaps allow me to retire afterwards.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hosea M. Knowlton\u2014<\/b>A trump card.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I received a few more letters than these, but they were full of warnings of harm coming to me and things people heard said about me by \u2013 I will just say someone in my own household. One said I need to ask for an antidote for arsenic. Another said the person in my household says she is going to kill me. Stuff and nonsense. Our Lizzie has said she is going to kill me about twice a week in front of me, and she smiles. It is only a phrase she says when she is angry. She says it to my husband as well. We don\u2019t think a thing about it. My husband says not to tell this person in our household, but he has a large club underneath our bed and would not think twice about using it on anyone that would try to harm us. He is so serious all of the time. He has confided in me that this person could produce great harm on us. But I know our Lizzie. I have raised her since a tot, and she loves her \u201cMother.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>She has not been calling me \u201cMother\u201d for several years. And lately when she has directed her threatening talk to me she is not smiling \u2026 Oh, look what a few lines of gossip can do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Abby is a humorous series that purports that people wrote into the Fall River newspaper and Abby Borden responded with sage advice\u2014well, sometimes.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":5039,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dear-abby"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4688"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4688\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5041,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4688\/revisions\/5041"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/hatchetonline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}