A Connecticut Yankee Revisited
Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 11:37 pm
96 years dead on (quite literally) it seems the old boy is at it yet again - or still, depending on which filthy rumor one is most inclined to accept as fact. 
Doing a bit of reading in the current online edition of Yankee Magazine a moment ago, I found a listing of comments attributed to one Mark Twain, alias Samuel Langhorne Clemens, sometimes of Hartford, Connecticut. Some of these are well-known, and (as sayings go) nearly as old and moldy as some of the fanciest and most expensive cheeses of Europe. Thankfully however, not one example here has anything approaching the vile stench that accompanies certain of those fabled cheeses. (Sufficient reek to inspire a wrinkled nose perhaps, but that's about as far as it goes.)
Whether the response is Bah! Humbug! or even unprintable, most of these little nuggets are enough at least to make us think - of something. At any rate, the lot generally is too good not to share!
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Familiarity breeds contempt-and children.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Golf is a good walk spoilt.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
I have never let my schooling get in the way of my education.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Never put off until tomorrow that which could be done the day after tomorrow.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Respect your superiors, if you have any.
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Suppose you were a congressman, and suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
The human race has one really effective weapon--laughter.
The human race is a race of cowards, and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
We are all alike, on the inside.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
When angry count to four, when very angry, swear.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
http://www.yankeemagazine.com/extras/no ... ktwain.php
Doing a bit of reading in the current online edition of Yankee Magazine a moment ago, I found a listing of comments attributed to one Mark Twain, alias Samuel Langhorne Clemens, sometimes of Hartford, Connecticut. Some of these are well-known, and (as sayings go) nearly as old and moldy as some of the fanciest and most expensive cheeses of Europe. Thankfully however, not one example here has anything approaching the vile stench that accompanies certain of those fabled cheeses. (Sufficient reek to inspire a wrinkled nose perhaps, but that's about as far as it goes.)
Whether the response is Bah! Humbug! or even unprintable, most of these little nuggets are enough at least to make us think - of something. At any rate, the lot generally is too good not to share!
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Familiarity breeds contempt-and children.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Golf is a good walk spoilt.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
I have never let my schooling get in the way of my education.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Never put off until tomorrow that which could be done the day after tomorrow.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Respect your superiors, if you have any.
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Suppose you were a congressman, and suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
The human race has one really effective weapon--laughter.
The human race is a race of cowards, and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
We are all alike, on the inside.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
When angry count to four, when very angry, swear.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
http://www.yankeemagazine.com/extras/no ... ktwain.php
Chesterton comes in a close second to Twain in my affection.