Lizzie Borden Society Forum

A hilarious list of things we have all seen in the movies. Such as this one under Police:

"Police Captains/lieutenants are always angry at their star detective and yell at him, threatening suspension if he doesn't drop the case." and its "Corollary: it is only after the detective has been suspended that he can properly crack the case."

http://www.moviecliches.com/

I liked this one myself: Incriminating evidence can be found either as photograph number four in a stack, or in the next to bottom drawer.

I like this one:

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

I always find this one amusing: Women wear make-up to bed, and wake up with hair and face completely intact.

Constantine @ Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:33 pm wrote:I like this one:

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

This stuff gets ingrained!

I was recently watching My Darling Clementineand the young lad shows a gold crucifix his sweetie gave him just before the rest of the gang heads off into town, leaving him to watch over the cattle. I said aloud, "He's doomed." --- Sure 'nuff...

Here’s my favorite (or hated depending on how you look at it) clichés about mental hospital movies:

1) The mental hospital film is about a growing relationship between a psychiatrist and a patient who at first seemed hopeless or inexplicable
2) The doctor wasn’t interested in the case but took it on because it was his job
3) The patient has more to teach the doctor than the other way around
4) The relationship ends in some epiphany occurring in the doctor that changes his life. This is depicted as either the doctor standing in the rain with his arms outstretched or he renews his relationship to his family.
5) The other mental patients are all distinct: one walks backwards, another is always playing the piano, another thinks that her husband is still alive. In real life, these illnesses are not always so distinct.
6) The soundtrack has sappy tinkling piano as music.
7) The film ends where the patient isn’t “cured” but reveals what he has to teach everyone else
8) Either all these clichés are used or:
9) The film is about a battle of wills between the doctor and the patient where the doctor represents fascistic authority

Favorite cliche line from a James Bond Villian:

"Are the missles in range?"

This looks like a new version of an old site, "The Movie Curmudgeon." I printed that whole thing out and brought it home before it went belly up. Great to have something like this back!

He used to name the various cliches, like "The Out-of-Frame Conundrum: A character is walking happily down a road when someone jumps in from out of frame, surprising the first character - who would have to have seen said second character even though we, the audience, couldn't."

I looked up "Light" but my fave wasn't in there.
It's someone going after a noise they heard but never turning on the light at night!!

How about the ingenue in any old horror film? It is obligatory that, while running away from the approaching threat, she fall and twist her ankle.

That's a good one, stuartwsa.

Then there is when she makes it to the car, locks the doors, turns the ignition key frantically (naturally the keys are in the ignition) but the car always stalls. Always. In the meantime the killer/ monster is banging on the windows and windshield.

Hey, I think we can write one of these movies.

I always know that when the villain gets killed, the hero or heroine is stupid enough to let the weapon drop, and then he/she ALWAYS turns away from the body, only to have the villain, who we are supposed to think is dead, suddenly jump up and retackle the victim. It never fails.

Or, having knocked out the armed villain, the hero leaves without TAKING or REMOVING the weapon!

Also, I have never understood why the person shooting a gun will run out of bullets and then throw the gun...like that's going to do something.

If I were firing a gun and I ran out of bullets, I wouldn’t throw the gun away. Guns are expensive!

And why do all Nazis in old American war films have English accents? Weren’t the English our allies in WWII?

Of course another villain cliché is that the “bad guy” has to be physically deformed or mutilated. Anything from a scar, to a missing arm. Or he’s physically perfect but has a demented sexuality or has one scene where he kills someone almost for no reason other than he became temporarily unhappy.

And during the entire decade of the 80s, the bad guys in films all had pony tails and body long jackets and sniffed cocaine.

Oh, and one more thing. In cyberpunk movies, there’s always some renegade hacker who has a ratty coat and fingerless gloves on, and he sits in coffee shops with a laptop that’s covered in masking tape. I don’t know about you, but if my laptop is so beat up that masking tape is needed to hold it together, I’d doubt it would even boot up.

And how about those movies where hackers are sitting back eating Chinese food out of white containers with chopsticks while some hacker program runs across their screen. And none of the screens ever have any recognizable operating system, as if the film makers didn’t want to pay Apple or Microsoft for the use of their desktop logos.

Of course the computer geeks in movies has to be slobs, losers and eccentrics. Like Wayne Knight in Jurassic Park. His work station in the control room is the one completely covered in crumpled potato chip bags and candy wrappers. He’s also fat, comical and conceited. Being a computer programmer, I resent that. Despite the fact I’m also fat, comical and conceited.

If you see a girl in a horror movie dressed in white, later she'll be chased in the dark (and trip and fall).

The comic relief guy always gets killed.

American Indians talked real good English in the older movies. They talk their native language in the newer ones.

The first time an intended victim gets spooked, it turns out to be something silly. It's that second time she has to worry about.

You can tell who the bad guy is on those "Lifetime" movies because they have a mean looking face, or display a quirk of madness right away that they excuse away.

If there are two women co-starring in a "Lifetime" movie, chances are good that they will be enemies and one will be finished off in the end.

How many times can Michael Meyers come back?

Bob Gutowski @ Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:21 am wrote:Or, having knocked out the armed villain, the hero leaves without TAKING or REMOVING the weapon!

That is my number one peeve in movies, Bob. The weapon is ignored. "Come on lady, the gun isn't going to bite you. Pick it up and shoot the b#&%$*d!" But I guess if the victim picked it up and used it the movie would be over too quickly. My mom loved westerns and she was always saying to the victim, "Pick up the gun, d#@m it!"

The girl falling and laying there screaming as the villian is catching up is another peeve. My moto is, "Pick up your dress and RUN!"

Kat, you are so right about the lights. Turning on the lights would probably blind the burgler for a moment at least but the victim just walks around in the dark.

And throwing a gun when it's empty. You can't reload it? And single action-revolvers that are fired just by pulling the trigger.

Nice site, Harry. Thanks. I'm enjoying it.

-1bigsteve (o:

Another thing that annoys me is that the mealy mouth girl in the film always has the gun in her hand and is shaking so hard because she can't bring herself to pull the trigger because it just goes against her lil ole nature. Barf. And then, of course, the villan snatches it away from her, leaving her helpless again.

Too true, Angel. Before the killer rises up again, I always say to myself, "Why didn't she just shoot him in the head??"

Perhaps this is not entirely relevant, but:

Ever notice that in movie versions of musicals, at least one member of the original cast is always screwed in favor of a star whose singing, dancing and/or acting ability (if any) is secondary to his box-office draw?

Also, at least two or three great songs will be omitted and lousy new ones will be added.

And in the slasher movies the teenage girl who sleeps with her boyfriend is the first to be murdered. A family member of mine would yell out "Don't sleep with the guy- you'll get killed- don't you go see movies??!!"

In the first Scream movie (which was, of course, a spoof of the genre), a character explicitly states that "sex = death.") He survives the movie because he is a virgin (as he himself observes).

What a great site! I was watching The Spiral Staircase and some other oldies recently and I noticed
1. The girl always must go out in the hall alone in the dark or down the basement when she hears a noise
2. The flashlight will burn out
3. She will slip, trip or stumble on the stairs
4. She will try to get away but the car won't start
5. The villain is peering in the window of the car as she screams and looks at the keys dangling
6. It is usually raining or storming
7. The handsome male lead will come to the rescue at the last moment, gather her up and save the day
Yes, we COULD write this stuff.

And WHY does no one ever turn lights on, but goes forward into a room in the dark knowing there's someone hiding or that there's danger?

Or, instead of running outside of the house for help, the girl always runs up the stairs to the second floor where there's no escape.

Another thing I find very amusing is that no matter what horrible thing is going on, the person getting out of bed always finds time to put on a robe. Or better yet, the girl who has a flimsy negligee on stops to put on an equally flimsy see through robe over the top of it, like that's going to make her more modest or warm or something.

You reminded me too of when the killer is chasing someone they always run upstairs, up and up and up! No way out up there- just a roof. Why do they go up?? I can't ever figure that out.

Sure, I think musicals count on this thread. They're movies, too.

How about the main girl character's keys to anything won't work.

When the last to-be victim and the killer are having it out, suddenly the sheriff or the spurned boyfriend-we-thought-was-the-killer-all-along remembers some important thing (big or small) and reaches the woman just in the nick of time.

If a good guy in a Western gets shot, it's always in the arm so he can still finish the picture.

Why do the adults in "Carrie" laugh when the bucket of blood comes down?

I could be off, but, I've always viewed that scene in Carrie where everyone is laughing at her as being in her mind. All the people she thinks are laughing at her are shot in that weird kaleidoscopic way, whereas the real laughers are shot through a normal camera lens.

Yes, there are a couple of the bad kids laughing at Carrie's predicament, but, I don't think everyone was laughing. She hears her mother's voice stating, "They're all going to laugh at you!" and she envisions it as her ultimate humiliation. Her mother was right, she put her faith elsewhere (Instead of in God and her mother) and look at what has happened; another devastating embarrassment.

In TV show series, the guest star always did it!
It's been that way since TV began! Do they think they are fooling us?

Thanks, Susan. I'll remember that next time I watch it. The book is really good! I think it's a Stephen King.

Back to cliche's for $100, Alex.

She always got parents in the end. Uh, who is Shirley Temple?

Right! But you do know that parents really do always get it 'in the end'. ... Ha ha? ... This is why I am a game show host and not a comedian. Sure, now you laugh ...

I found a good list in a joke section re. movie cliches':

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.

If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations.

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.

The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

You never need the keys to start a car if you are chasing someone.

You always need the keys, and can never find them, to start a car when you're being chased.

Latin drug lords love gold jewelery and all live in big houses in Miami and keep tigers as pets.

Local cops, or DEA, FBI, CIA always have a hard time findng Latin drug lords b/c the drug lords look and live like average citizens

Binoculars not only allow you to see better, but you can also hear what the people are saying

High school bullies in the sixties and seventies were all named Biff

Ugly people are never attacked by creepy murderers

Creepy murderes always have a limp and/or enjoy walking really slowly

No matter how far you run, drive, or fly, the limping creepy murdered will get there faster

Banks, as a matter of policy, always keep their cash inside bags to expedite the handoff tu robbers

Security guards are always fat slobs who sleep on the job

All international conflicts can be solved by one lonely muscle dude in the span of ninety minutes

In a trilogy, the bad guys always win on the second movie

Italian households always keep the living room lights dimmed, and always have soft instrumental music playing in the background

Italian households consist of at least eight people

Italian families always argue at the dinner table

The female black sheep of an Italian family is always named Deloris and is always pregnant

The male black sheep of an Italian family is always named Richie and sells drugs

Hispanic households consist of at least eight children who share one bed

Underdogs in our society always grow up by the docks or the train tracks

Your hair will never get messed up in a natural disaster

Bad guys never carry enough bullets

On rare occassions when a good guy runs out of bullets, the bad guy that is about to kill him gets shot in the back by the good guys partner who rises from near death

High school principals are as dumb as artichokes

If a parent admits that a child of theirs is really special, that child will get run over by a car while bike riding around the neighborhood

Although physically impossible, you can always hear spaceships explode in outer space

When looking something up in a book, it will always be on the first page you open up

Young idealistic people always end up being right

If you fall in the ocean, a shark will promptly appear and will want to eat you, even though most sharks could care less about humans

Oh, those were good, Angel. Thanks!

How about: Someone trying to sneak onto someone's computer usually gets the password right in three attempts.

Or---
The heroine's best friend winds up many times taking away her boyfriend/husband or being the murderer/villain.

Oh always! Unless the husband is dangerous and the best friend is helping her out.

Another thing that annoys me is when a woman alone at night hears something outside she listens for a while and then opens the door to look. And, of course, you know what happens next.

When someone is attacked in the kitchen, there is always a huge knife just lying there on the cupboard.

When two people are having an argument ina restaurant and they are holding a drink, you just know one of the drinks will be thrown in someone's face.

If a guy in a restaurant is being a jerk it is inevitable that the female will pour the drink in his lap.

If a villain puts a gun to the heroine's head and pulls the trigger, it will always jam or be out of bullets.

I'm on a roll.

If a ....... never mind. I have the next five days off, and it's obvious I definitely need it.

Keep going, Angel. You're great at this!