Lizzie Borden Society Forum

Got this from a friend this morning. I know there are a few other Canadians besides me on here who may enjoy them...also those who live in northern states.



Forget Rednecks,
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May,
You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumpers in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
And road construction,
You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada .

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,
And forward them to all
Your Canadian friends & others,
You definitely live in Canada .

That was great, TK!

Ones that fit Florida as well:
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Florida .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Florida.

If you know all 4 seasons:
Summer, still summer, almost winter, summer
And road construction,
You may live in Florida .

If you find 70 degrees 'a little chilly',
You may live in Florida

If you find yourself rumaging in
a hot loft or barn for sinkers
while someone chops up your papa
you may be a Borden.

If you have a highboy,
and an armoire in your prison cell
and order out for lunch
you may be a Borden.

If you have pears and mutton for breakfast
with cookies and milk with just
a touch of purssic acid
you may be a Borden.

If you are the boss of your sister
the love of your father and
alway find yourself saying
"She's not my mother
you may be a Borden.

If you iron handkerchief
and give your maid a hot tip
about shopping while your
stepmother takes a permanent
nap on the floor
you may be a Borden.

If you, etc. etc. etc.

Kat: I remember being down in Key West in 1990 & one day the temp was about 70. I went out in a sundress & was shocked when I found lots of people wearing down vests! Thick-skinned we Canadians!

MB: Too funny! "...a permanent nap on the floor..."

If you have a sick sense of humor,
you may be a Bordenite.

Good stuff MB!

I like that, TK!

I think I'm a Bordenite with Canadian roots!!!

I know I'm a Canadian Bordenite with Massachusetts roots.