Aka “Fall River”, aka “Lizzie Borden”, aka “You Can’t Chop Your Poppa Up in Massachusetts”. Thanks to Digital Tradition.
Transcribed from The Chad Mitchell Trio’s version from Mighty Day on Campus, (1961):
Fall River Hoedown (Lizzie Borden)
(Michael Brown)
(From Chad Mitchell Trio Recording)
[Spoken]
One very exciting area of folk idiom and folk music to us has
always been the hatchet murders in Massachusetts. I think that
this quaint bit of suburban living can best be explained through
the use of our poet laureate, Joe Frazier:
[Spoken(Joe)]
Elizabeth Borden took an ax
And gave her mother forty whacks
And when the job was nicely done
She gave her father forty one!
[Now the song]
Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died
And he got his daughter Lizzie on a charge of homicide.
Some folks say she didn’t do it, and others say she did
But they all agree Miss Lizzie B. was a problem sort of kid
‘Cause you can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Not even if it’s planned as a surprise
No you can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize.
She got him on the sofa where he’d gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to heaven’ cause he wasn’t wearing shoes
Lizzie kind of rearranged him with a hatchet, so they say
And then she got her mother in that same old-fashioned way,
But you can’t can’t chop your momma up in Massachusetts
Not even if you’re tired of her cuisine
No, you can’t chop your momma up in Massachusetts
You know it’s almost sure to cause a scene.
Well, they really kept her hoppin’ on that busy afternoon
With both down and upstairs chopping while she hummed a ragtime tune:
They really made her hustle and when all was said and done
She’d removed her mother’s bustle when she wasn’t wearing one.
Oh you can’t chop your Momma up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice,
No you can’t chop your Momma up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn’t very nice.
Now, It wasn’t done for pleasure and it wasn’t done for spite
And it wasn’t done because the lady wasn’t very bright,
She’d always done the slightest thing that mom and dad had bid
They said, “Lizzie cut it out! ” so that’s exactly what she did.
But you can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk,
No, you can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.
You can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts—
[Shouted] Shut the door and lock and latch it
Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet!
You can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts—
[shouted] Such a snob I heard it said,
She met her pa and cut him dead!
You can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts—
[shouted] Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise
All join in in a habeas corpus.
No, you can’t chop your poppa up in Massachusetts—
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York!
