{"id":690,"date":"2006-10-26T14:22:59","date_gmt":"2006-10-26T18:22:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/MondoLizzie\/2006\/10\/26\/doggerel-play\/"},"modified":"2006-10-26T14:22:59","modified_gmt":"2006-10-26T18:22:59","slug":"doggerel-play","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/doggerel-play\/","title":{"rendered":"Doggerel Play"},"content":{"rendered":"

A site called Uncyclopedia has a cute section on nursery rhymes<\/a> that for some reason includes the Lizzie Borden doggerel. <\/p>\n

Lyrics<\/strong>
\nLizzie Borden took an axe
\nAnd gave her mother forty whacks.
\nWhen she saw what she had done
\nShe gave her father forty-one.<\/p>\n

Origins<\/strong>
\nThis famous children’s rhyme was inspired by a girl’s alleged double murder of her father and mother. While this does not appear to be suitable for a children’s rhyme (due to the fact it may put dangerous ideas into kid’s heads) it has still been passed along for generations. However, a few verses have been lost along the way (mainly because they were redundant and repetitive not to mention unnecessary).<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden took a nine*
\nAnd shot her mother in the spine.
\nWhen she saw what she had did
\nShe shot her father in the head.<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden took an M-16
\nAnd shot her mother in the spleen.
\nWhen she saw what that entailed
\nShe shot her father while getting the mail.<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden took a lance
\nAnd stabbed her mother in the pants.
\nWhen she saw what she did commit
\nOnto her father she dropped a brick.<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden had a little LAM**
\nAnd blew her mom up while sendin spam.
\nWhen she saw the smoking house
\nShe threw another to make sure her dad didn’t get out.<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden took a mace
\nAnd swung it at her mother’s face.
\nWhen she saw the chain had broke
\nShe made her dad and house explode.<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden took some WMD’s***
\nAnd killed her mother with the greatest of ease.
\nWhen she saw that burned up whale
\nShe killed her dad with anthraxmail.<\/p>\n

Mama Borden was a slut
\nSo lizzie had to kick her butt
\nWhen she finished doing that
\nShe lypo-sucked her father’s fat<\/p>\n

*9mm
\n**Lightweight Attack Munitions
\n***Wobbly Massage Dinkytoys<\/p>\n

What Have We Learned?<\/strong>
\nBe nice to your kids.
\nPeople get carried away with slander.
\nWriting stupid violent rhymes can be educational.
\nAt a certain point, it isn’t necessary to have sources support your claims. For example, although the 5th verse suggests Lizzie sent spam mail, this is most likely just a slanderous and unbased comment to make people dislike her more.
\nAfter a while, you run out of ways to kill.
\nChildren’s literature is creepy and macabre.
\nLypo-sucking your father is really nasty and uncalled for.
\nActually Lypo-sucking your dad is not cruel, mean, or deadly at all, it is actually quite nice if your father is very obese and needs some type of surgerey, and this misconception was not reconciled until 1989.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A site called Uncyclopedia has a cute section on nursery rhymes that for some reason includes the Lizzie Borden doggerel. Lyrics Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done She gave her father forty-one. Origins This famous children’s rhyme was inspired by a girl’s alleged […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,6,7,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-690","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-6-degrees-of-separation","category-are-they-crazy","category-borden-buzz","category-on-the-web"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=690"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lizzieandrewborden.com\/mondolizzie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}