a little levity:

[Angel]

Gas prices:

[1bigsteve]

Good one, Ellen!

-1bigsteve (o:

[Angel]

Subject: Politically Correct for Men & Women !!
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Due to the climate of political correctness now
>>>>>>>>> pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West
>>>>>>>>> Virginians will no longer be referred to as
>>>>>>>>> "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as
>>>>>>>>> APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And furthermore .... HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE
>>>>>>>>> POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a
>>>>>>>>> "BREASTED AMERICAN."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is
>>>>>>>>> "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY
>>>>>>>>> ACCESSIBLE."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a
>>>>>>>>> "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
>>>>>>>>> SUPERHIGHWAY."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a
>>>>>>>>> "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY
>>>>>>>>> IMPAIRED."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets
>>>>>>>>> "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is
>>>>>>>>> "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY
>>>>>>>>> REPETITIVE."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY
>>>>>>>>> EXTROVERTED."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She
>>>>>>>>> is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW
>>>>>>>>> COST PROVIDER."
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>>>>>>>>> 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed
>>>>>>>>> a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> " 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY
>>>>>>>>> CAUCASIAN."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He
>>>>>>>>> "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE
>>>>>>>>> REGRESSION."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers
>>>>>>>>> "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He
>>>>>>>>> becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops
>>>>>>>>> a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has
>>>>>>>>> "SWINE EMPATHY."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is
>>>>>>>>> "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his
>>>>>>>>> pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>

[1bigsteve]

I got that one printed and saved!

-1bigsteve (o:

[Angel]

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
>
> as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
>
> side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
>
> holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
>
> mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
>
>
>
> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
>
> Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
>
>
>
> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
>
>
>
> 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
>
> holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
>
> pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a
>
> count of ten.
>
>
>
> 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
>
> wardrobe. Call friend for help.
>
>
>
> 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,
>
> hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get
>
> friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler
>
> into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
>
>
>
> 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from
>
> foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
>
> Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set
>
> to one side for gluing later.
>
>
>
> 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat
>
> with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of
>
> drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
>
> straw.
>
>
>
> 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans,
>
> drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to friend's forearm
>
> and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
>
>
>
> 10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill.
>
> Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to
>
> neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
>
> Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
>
>
>
> 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door
>
> back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot,
>
> drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of
>
> last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
>
> Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
>
> bedroom.
>
>
>
> 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from
>
> across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence
>
> while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
>
>
>
> 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with
>
> garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find
>
> heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed
>
> by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head
>
> vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
>
>
>
> 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get friend to drive you to
>
> the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
>
> forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
>
> shop on way home to order new table.
>
>
>
> How To Give A Dog A Pill
>
> 1. Wrap it in bacon.
>
> 2. Toss it in the air.
>

[Tina-Kate]

Hehehehe.

The last year of my Mr Tigger's life, he had to be on insulin pills twice a day. He was a good natured guy & pill taking got to be a matter of course. However, on his contrary days he "fake swallowed" & some time later I would come across the soggy spat-out pill.

[twinsrwe]

Ellen, this is great!!! Just like a cat, isn't it? They really do have minds of their own. And, this is so typical of dogs, too!!!