Case Solved- we can all go home.

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:15 am

Newsflash! The killer of the Bordens was My Name is Earl Matthews! Who knew? A "relative" of Lizzie's was present at this psychic gathering and suggested the "medium" get the goods on August 4th. What a relief, now I can take up knitting or skydiving for a hobby. View the evidence here http://www.online-psychic.org/ (scroll down a bit for the Youtube).

1bigsteve · Post by **1bigsteve** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:25 am

Oh drats! Just when we were getting warmed up! Well, I guess we will have to pick up our hatchets and go home.

-1bigsteve (o:

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 12:10 pm

Does that mean I can go back to moose goosing now?

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:18 pm

Is that what you've been doing all Winter?

I wondered where you were...

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:35 pm

Yeah, I'll have to 'fess up, the antlers in the trees are a dead giveaway! They're easier to catch in the deep snow, and I'm getting too old to chase worth a darn!

Does anyone remember Mason Williams, the musician who wrote and recorded "Classical Gas"? He was part of the Smothers Brothers show. He had recorded a comical song the title of which had to do with "Them Folks". There was a line in it about "how 'bout them moose goosers....". I wish I could remember the rest of it.

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:49 pm

You could Google "moose goosers" . . .

. . .Say that 3 times fast.

But not if anyone is around

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:50 pm

Hmmmm

How about Them Moose Goosers,
Ain't they recluse?
Up in them boondocks,
Goosin' them moose.

But ask, and ye shall receive. Here ya go, Yoop, at
http://www.jakeo.com/fun/poetry/mason/moose.html

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:56 pm

Thanks for the link, Doug! That's it! I forgot about the umbrella, maybe if I used one I could do without the football helmet. Saves wear and tear on the noggin when they return to Earth.

1bigsteve · Post by **1bigsteve** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:18 pm

If I ever see Dick Smothers again I'll ask him about that guy.

I've never heard the term. Sounds vile though...

-1bigsteve (o:

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:26 pm

google-moose-goosers-google-moose-goosers-google-moose-goosers

snokkums · Post by **snokkums** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:33 pm

I guess he was hiding in the closet in between murders. LOL!
Maybe now I can finish a blanket I have been crocheting for months.

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:33 pm

Goose The Moose? Oh sure…

It’s quite the pass-time in certain quarters of the lower 48 – like sled dog races are up Alaska.

Gotta be sneaky, and fast usually, too. Dandy spectator sport...

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:34 pm

Be careful, Kat! Whatever you do, don't tap your shoes together while saying that! You might end up in da Yoop in a snowbank surrounded by meese!

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:47 pm

Here's your meese and your cheese!

How come I didn't know you were "Jeff?"

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:43 pm

Scary- you people are scary. Now the case is solved I may have to hang out with more conventional types- like the Monstercon folks. . ..

(moosegooser).

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:53 pm

Dem's some dandy antaloors on dat last smiley Shelley, doncha t'ink? Looks just like my tin foil hat wit' da antaloors, da one wit' da hunnerd foot power cord. I'm wearin' it now and dat's how come Kat didn't know me as Jeff, I'm incognito! (Cognito is a little west of Marquette)

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:05 pm

Hey Yooper -

Whatcha think feller, wouldn't Shelley make a dandy Moose-Goosetress?? The office comes open later this year I think...

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:57 pm

No meese in this vicinity- too far south. We do however have dandy groundhogs, raccoons, fisher cats, deer galore and the odd disgruntled bear.
In case anyone is just tuning in-do notice how we are never treated to just how the lady in the YouTube is related to Lizzie- they never divulge these things. http://www.online-psychic.org/

The Medium could also try on some more exciting channelling maneuvers, or perhaps wear a turban with a large jewel in the center. I see her hand making quacking duck beak motions- is that Lizzie speaking? Now, anyone with a Fall River directory handy checking on our Earl Matthews- slayer of the Bordens?

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 6:04 pm

I think you're right, Doug! Especially if she practiced the quacking duck motions and wore a jewelled toiban. Of course, she'd have to earn to grunt properly...

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 6:18 pm

Actually I still have my Madame Zara jewelled turban, fellers, from my Tarot reading days in Newport when hubby's ship was out to sea. And I have some degree of talent casting hand shadows of various barnyard animals on the wall-am not sure how grunting fits in, however. Still, I suspect we could all put on a better show and theory than the gal in the Youtube feature. Crowds are so easily pleased with parlor tricks, a little smoke- and mirrors.

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 6:24 pm

That settles it for me! Grab your moose costume, Doug, I'll meet you in Fall River!

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:16 pm

Righto, Yoop!! Madame Zara For Moose-Goosetress!!!

Yooper · Post by **Yooper** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 8:29 pm

I can see the headlines now: "Borden Case Solved With a Moose Costume, Umbrella, and a Turban"!

Harry · Post by **Harry** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:10 pm

Partial quote:

Shelley @ Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:57 pm wrote:Now, anyone with a Fall River directory handy checking on our Earl Matthews- slayer of the Bordens?

Checked the 1892 Directory. No Earl Matthews but surprise! There was a Matthews family living at 219 Second St. and a Mathews working at 54 Second St.

This is from my listing of 1892 Second Street:

Mathews, John L., harness maker, 54 Second, house 126 Third – p384
Matthews, Agnes, board 219 Second – p385
Matthews, Henry, liquors, wholesale, 28 Spring, house 219 Second – p385
Matthews, M. L., (Chouinard & Matthews), ladies’ tailors, 60 North Main, boards 219 Second – p385

stuartwsa · Post by **stuartwsa** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:51 pm

I wish I had known about that meeting--I live about five miles from there!

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:23 am

Er.. which meeting? The Psychic and her mezmerized devotees? Or the conclave of MooseGoosers Anonymous? No Earl Matthews, Harry? Oh dear, well, to borrow an Arnold Brownism- Earl was the illegitimate son of Henry Matthews that liquor seller , you see. Mr. Borden would not rent old Henry a storefront in the Borden building for such a business and poor Earl went haywire. Shoot- I think we could make good money hiring ourselves out en masse as on-the-spot-psychics- we could come up with some good corkers with actual historic content! And I can go into a trance at the drop of a hat.(and one glass of white wine)

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:20 am

Oh good grief…I wonder if it’s that Earl Matthews??!!! Nobody ever could prove it, but according to the most reliable of filthy rumor Mr. Earl Matthews was indeed the “woods-colt” scion of Henry, that feller what sold fancy likkahs in Fall River.

Now as you might suppose, that unacknowledged state troubled Mr. Earl Matthews more than a fair bit. So one day, when enough was at last enough and the weight 'came too much for his mind and soul to bear, Earl Matthews – well, he disappeared! Local wags (with nothing better to do, obviously) recorded the circumstances of the junior Matthhews’ disappearance this way:

Now Earl Matthews slipped away one day
Off up to the northern woods.
Along with him in supplies he took
Three fifths of the finest of likkahs.
Now why that he did it’s hard to say –
It may have been to keep thoughts at bay
Or keep warm when the cold wind blows.

The first bottle went down as fine as fine
Up there in the northern woods.
(Mr. Earl Matthews was mighty pleased
He’d thought of those extra goods.)

“Whoopie, whoopee, I’m wild and free…
Finally on the loose!”
No more spake, as stunned was he –
“Off yonder there o’er by that tree, what’s that I see?
My God, is that a moose??”

Now Earl he got right sneaky,
Took 'nother bottle from his pack;
And casting his eyes to heaven,
The second seal did he crack.
And sat he there with ruffled hair
A spyin’ that yonder moose
As swallowed he more likkah…

When bottle was done,
Said “I’ll have me some fun – by gum,
I’ll goose that moose!”

Well… things went along much as you might suppose.
Earl sneaked near, the moose had no fear
There under the stars bright above.
Well, Earl did goose, and there stood that moose
Gazing at him, truly, with Love.

'Twas the last of Mr. Earl Matthews
That anyone ever heard.
The most they might guess he’d solved his mess
With three bottles of stolen goods –
And now spends his nights under stars so bright
Off up in the northern woods.

stuartwsa · Post by **stuartwsa** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:19 am

Shelley @ Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:23 pm wrote:Er.. which meeting? The Psychic and her mezmerized devotees? Or the conclave of MooseGoosers Anonymous? No Earl Matthews, Harry? Oh dear, well, to borrow an Arnold Brownism- Earl was the illegitimate son of Henry Matthews that liquor seller , you see. Mr. Borden would not rent old Henry a storefront in the Borden building for such a business and poor Earl went haywire. Shoot- I think we could make good money hiring ourselves out en masse as on-the-spot-psychics- we could come up with some good corkers with actual historic content! And I can go into a trance at the drop of a hat.(and one glass of white wine)

The meeting with the "psychic". I found out a friend attended that meeting (which was SUPPOSED to be for genealogical researchers) and that the "psychic" advertised free readings, so meeting became an absolute circus. People looking for free psychic readings jammed the place and changed the whole focus of the meeting.

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:39 am

Well Doug, call what's left of the Kingston Trio- I believe we have a hit on our hands.

And what a shame the opportunity to meet with Ms. O'Connor was lost- who knows what other answers might have come forth throught the duck-quacking beakhand if only Earl had been more forthcoming- like - where's the hatchet, Earl?- And more pressing WHICH hatchet- the small, the broad, the handleless, the big-bladed, the short-handled, the one carressed by Mr. Sawyer, the one rubbed by Dr. Dolan, the one inspected by Prof. Wood, the fiber-patched, wood-stained, dusty, undusty,blood-stained- no, not blood-stained, in the box, on the floor, up on the shelf, on the kitchen table, rusty, just-washed, in the ruck sack , out of the rucksack, on the brick floor, propped up against the wall, cow-hair coated, hatchet- or was it maybe the one, two or #3 ax all along? Speak to me Earl! I suspect an Ode to the Hatchets and Axes needs to be written. Frankly, I am now inclined to give up entirely on figuring out the odyssey of the Hatchets and axes - and may take up believing the murder weapon was Issac Davis' old meat cleaver. Just to be ornery.

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:52 pm

....call what's left of the Kingston Trio...

Oh now that's an idea, Shelley! But, sadly, I think there might be just one of the Trio left. Shame too, because I could almost be induced to work up something to one of their more popular tunes. ("Gaze at your moose Earl Matthews 'neath the north woods midnight skies. Look at her, ain't she purdy wth those big brown loving eyes.")

What about the von Trapp famliy instead? There's more of them, and besieswhich, performing that little ditty might just be the perfect end to a stellar and storied career....prematurely, of course.

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:39 pm

Odd you should mention the Family Von Trapp Doug. Len was just telling me about Dr. Von Trapp, yes, the little boy who gave up family crooning for medicine- who became a Fall River pediatrician and Len's own singing doc. So there- now we have a Fall River connection to beat the Kingston Trio. Of course, then there is the Chad Mitchell Trio who have not had a smash hit, well, - since You Can't Chop Yer Poppa Up in Massachusetts. Maybe they need an agent.

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:15 pm

Say…you may be onto something there with the agent idea, Shelley. I mean – butterbeans on a stick, look what Mark Twain did for old General Grant in his darkest hour of greatest need! In this case though, there’s only one big-name agent comes to mind might be able to handle the job proper: Mr. Irving “Swifty” Lazar. Trouble with him, of course, is reaching the old feller. That might actually be a task for Madame Zara – and if it worked I’d think it’d make her the top candidate for the post of Grand Exalted Moose-Goosetress come autumn.

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:14 pm

Alas, about 16 years too late for old Swifty and his significantly younger mate- but I have on the jewelled turban and am doing my best through the ethers. It is raining heavily today with lightening which of course impedes my abilities you understand. Wait- am getting General Grant . . . . fine tuning the turban now, Houdini says hello... sorry- all is dark again.

On the brighter side, My Ode to Hatchets is nearly completed and about to be sprung upon an unsuspecting public. It seemed a better thing to be doing today than the family ironing. You see, my flats had gone cold. . . .

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:50 pm

Ah well... Latest intelligence says you're the top candidate for Grand Exalted Moose-Goosetress just the same.

We'll catch Swifty one day...

An "Ode To Hatchets"? Did I miss that one somewhere?? It sounds interesting!

It's raining here today actually, with a fair bit of wind thrown in for foul measure. Good luck warming the flats!

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:36 pm

Oh I was mixing my threads- the brisk hatchet exchange is over at Should A&A be exhumed. I am completing my Opus in tribute to the amazing hatchets and axes which proliferated like dandelions in that cellar.

doug65oh · Post by **doug65oh** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:46 pm

Mixing threads, eh? Surely an indication of a fine and talented seamstress.

Shelley · Post by **Shelley** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 11:18 pm

Oh, I could keep you in stitches. . . . .