How to Tick People Off

[Stefani]

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

From this site.http://artlung.com/smorgasborg/how_to_t ... _off.shtml

[1bigsteve]

Good ones, Stefani!

Heres a few I remember:

1. During a one on one conversation look down your nose at the person you are talking to while picking hairs off their coat,

2. When having a conversation outdoors look up in the sky several times as if you are expecting a propeller to fall on you,

3. Drive down the street with your blinker on,

4. When someone honks at you for no reason wave and smile back as if they are a long lost friend,

5. When stopped at a red light slowly back up and watch the guy next to you stomp on his brake thinking he was rolling forward,

6. Pretend to read a book upside down and say something like, "No, she wouldn't do that!",

7. Look at the other diner's plate and say, "You are not going to eat that are you?",

8. Stand outside a restaurant window and watch a diner eat,

9. Stand and look into someone else's dryer at a laundromat,

10. Look someone up and down and shake your head,

11. Show someone a small wound or scab and ask them if it looks infected,

12. Get into a crowded elevator and say to yourself, loud enough so others hear, "I wonder how much more abuse this cable can take before it breaks?",

13. On a jet, just after lift-off grab your belly, moan, and say out load, "I sure wish I had not eatin' all those beans.",

14. When sitting next to someone make a few "sniffing" sounds and then look at the person next to you as if they are the source of a bad smell,

15. Look through the phone book and call up someone who shares the same name with a celebrity and pretend you are a booking agent offering them a job,

16. Look into the shopping cart of the person behind you and mouth the words, "My Gawd!"



-1bigsteve (o: