Sherry Chapmanby Sherry Chapman
First published in October/November, Volume 2, Issue 5 of The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies.
Dear Abby:
Do you keep any rodent poison, such as perhaps Rough on Rats, around the house? – H. Knowlton, Marion
Dear H. Knowlton:
I almost did not open your envelope, and I now see I should have trusted my intuition. To imply that we have rats in our home is insulting to the extreme. The four women here keep everything very clean, down to the most minute detail. Why just last month our girl, Bridget, washed the windows, and my stepdaughter Lizzie was scouring hatchets in the basement. We certainly don’t have rodent poison in the house. It is kept in the bahn.
Dear Abby:
Have you tried the new Chinese restaurant in town? And, if so, what did you think of it? – Ping & Pong Singh (not restaurant owners – same name coincidence)
Dear Singhs:
Yes, I did, and I’ll tell you I will never go back. When my husband and I walked in a waiter said, “Take seat and I give you sock-y.” For him to presume we were thieves is bad enough, but to threaten us with physical violence was just too much.
Dear Abby:
I have heard that you have been on a diet lately and wish to commend you on your efforts. By the way, how much have you taken off? – AR, family friend
Dear AR:
I have no scale at home with which to weigh myself. But I can say that I have lost my stomach.
Dear Abby:
My husband and I entertained the other night and, without naming names, our guests are held in high esteem in our fair city. Imagine my horror when my husband, in conversation, used the vulgar term “breast” when describing some new dresses that arrived at the store. How can I make this wrong a right, Abby? – Mrs. J. McWhirr
Dear Mrs. McWhirr:
Believe me, I do understand. There are some words that we just do not say in our speech or writing. You could write each guest a note of apology, which could be very time consuming and bring the incident up again when your friends may have forgotten it. You could really ‘not’ give it to your husband, if you know what I am referring to, but you are probably already doing that. Or you could just be glad he didn’t come out with ‘hooters’ or ‘knockers’.
Dear Abby:
Did your stepdaughter, Lizzie, finish high school? – Annie Sullivan, Boston
Dear Miss Sullivan:
Yes, and no. No, she did not graduate from high school. And yes – she is finished with schooling.
PUBLIC NOTICE!!!
Hair piece missing
A false braid of brown in color with some strands of gray has been discovered lost.
Last seen in the vicinity of Second Street near town
If found, please bring in person to me –
Mrs. Abby Borden at
92 Second Street
And I will be sure that it is delivered to the correct party.
Should I not be able to receive callers (my head has really been splitting lately), it is all right to leave with our girl, Bridget or Mr. Borden.
