Emma Lost and Found: Making a Proper Lady

by Shelley Dziedzic

First published in August/September, 2007, Volume 4, Issue 3, The Hatchet: Journal of Lizzie Borden Studies.

After 140 years, we finally know where Emma went when she left home for a year and half in 1867. She had testified she was away, but never revealed where she had gone. Borden scholars assumed that Lizzie’s older sister had attended a finishing school, but until now that school had remained a mystery. Private Emma’s secret school has finally been discovered-—Wheaton Female Seminary in Norton, Massachusetts. 

The recent discovery that Emma Borden attended Wheaton Female Seminary for a year and a half is an exciting revelation.

The quiet older sister, described as “schoolmarm-y” in some newspapers, has for over a hundred years been a dark mystery to scholars of the Borden case. Now the speculation of why and when Emma attended has opened new avenues for discussion. With Andrew and Abby Borden marrying after the Civil War in 1865, was Emma’s departure to the Norton seminary in 1867 a reaction to unpleasant relations between stepmother and stepdaughter or merely the next expected step for the sixteen-year old? 

Wheaton may have been the choice for several reasons. It was close to home, other daughters of fine old Fall River families attended there, and Dr. Eli Thurston, pastor of the Central Congregational Church from 1849-1869, was on the board of trustees. Admission to Wheaton required only a letter of good character from one’s minister.

In later years, Wheaton also offered a four-year degree program along with the shorter non-degree curriculum that embraced all the popular subjects felt essential to the molding of a proper lady of the era. 

According to Mt. Holyoke’s web site, “In the 19th century, the words ‘seminary’ and ‘college’ were used to describe schools at a variety of levels. A ‘college’ might give instruction either to university students, or to those of high school age and even younger. A ‘seminary’ could be a preparatory school, or offer a college education or graduate and professional training.”

In the early 19th century, the thought of women going to college was a shocking prospect when the aim of most girls was to marry well, be a credit to her husband, manage a household and produce the next generation—preferably a son to take over the family business. The concept of a school to prepare young ladies for their future roles as leading hostesses, organizers of good works, pillars of the community, and model mothers and wives was not a new one, and these institutions had been in existence for decades before Emma was packed off to pursue higher learning. 

It was often said a proper lady needed to paint a little, sew a little, play the pianoforte, dress neatly, speak in gentle, modulated tones, and appear just three times in the daily newspaper: upon her birth, her marriage and her obituary. Every father “saddled” with a houseful of daughters had to think ahead for their future prospects, and hope for a good husband who could provide in the manner to which the lady had become accustomed. If the girl was not beautiful in form and face, she might at least be accomplished, polished, and an able mate to her husband. Thus, the notion of a curriculum for turning out such marketable marriage material evolved. 

Religious institutions sponsored some schools, and many, such as Miss Porter’s School in Farmington, Connecticut, gathered fame and reputation based upon the character and accomplishments of its Headmistress, and just as many folded upon the demise of that distinguished personage. Miss Porter’s School is still in business, as are the widely popular finishing schools in Switzerland. One such school was the Institut Alpin Videmanette in Rougemont where Diana, Princess of Wales attended—a favorite haunt for the daughters of the aristocracy. Today’s curriculum at a finishing school is not so terribly different from some of the lighter subjects Emma Borden pursued. French, composition, diction, needlework, deportment, music and art, are still on the menu for producing every gracious debutante—for etiquette, good manners and knowledge of protocol know no age and are a great advantage in all walks of life.

Many institutions that may have begun as finishing schools for the daughters of well-to-do families ended up adding a full roster of studies and degree programs as they expanded into full-fledged colleges. Massachusetts was at the forefront of enlightened thinking as women began the battle for equal education and career opportunity, guided by such paragons of progress as Mary Lyon of Mt. Holyoke, who also created Wheaton’s first curriculum in 1835, and Wheaton’s own Caroline Metcalf, president during Emma’s brief tenure. This is what the Wheaton website has to say about Mrs. Metcalf: 

Among those whose ideas and influence shaped the early Wheaton was Caroline Cutler Metcalf. Strong-willed, conscientious and creative, Mrs. Metcalf served as seminary principal from 1851 to 1876. Finding and retaining outstanding teachers was high on her list of priorities. Caroline Metcalf sought educators willing to put aside tradition and custom to employ the most effective teaching methods possible.

It is fascinating to read of Emma’s daily classes and marks for deportment, how tidy she is about her person and her dormitory room, and how assiduously she applies herself to her studies. The grading system allows for numbers with high marks being a 9 in these various areas. Emma begins well and earns high marks, but at the end of her time at Wheaton, the marks fall in some catagories to a 6. 

There is mention of the fee to provide her with a practice piano and the mandatory chapel services every young lady attended. 

In the library archive at Wheaton, on the wall beside a handsome oval portrait of the esteemed Mrs. Metcalf, is a large oil painting of three demure students, each with a smooth center part, glossy bands of hair gathered neatly into the style of the time. One perfectly-groomed maiden is hovering solicitously over a shining silver tea service in a perfectly appointed room while others, equally poised and polished, make gracious conversation. In every aspect, intelligence, social perfection, and dignity radiate from every corner of the canvas, and provide a visual roadmap for Emma and her classmates to emulate. 

To those who would today make light of the finishing school program for young ladies, one has only to look at popular domestic compendiums of advice for women of the time to see that the average bride was expected to be familiar with an astonishing amount of household wisdom. They had to be acquainted with reading a menu in French, household management, directing household staff, entertaining with view to increasing her husband’s prospects, basic medical practice, moral training for children, tireless volunteering for community and church, baking a light soufflé, and embroidering exquisite linens. 

No wonder Lizzie settled for taking the Grand Tour instead!

Works Cited:

“About Wheaton: A Tradition of Innovation.” WheatonCollege.edu. 3 November 2006. Wheaton College: Norton, MA. 29 July 2007 <http://www.wheatoncollege.edu/about/History.html>.

“Why did Mary Lyon call Mount Holyoke a ‘Seminary?’” The Founding of Mount Holyoke Female Seminary. Undated. MountHolyoke.edu. 29 July 2007 <http://www.mtholyoke.edu/marylyon/noframes/founding.html>.

Painting: Cle’mence ROTH, Afternoon Tea (Une Taqsse de The’). Oil on canvas. Acquired from the artist by Eleanor Norcross, Wheaton Class of 1872, who donated it to Wheaton College in 1922.